I was introduced to Breakthrough T1D seventeen years ago when our son, Finn, was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (T1D) just weeks after his 2nd birthday. Overwhelmed by the disease and with a sweet newborn who arrived around the same time, I found I couldn’t handle much beyond caring for the kids. My husband Sean and I had a divide-and-conquer approach. I spearheaded Finn’s care and he got involved with Breakthrough T1D and stayed on top of the promising research.
Then about six years ago, Sean became the chapter’s Board President. He came home one night and announced that he had volunteered me for not one, but TWO roles: the South Shore outreach volunteer and the Boston Gala co-chair! I feigned outrage, but part of me was a little excited and ready to get involved. To ease the delivery of this news, Sean assured me that for outreach, all I had to do was organize one Breakthrough T1D coffee on the South Shore. Easy.
I tackled the requisite coffee with all the heartfelt motivation of getting it checked off my list! The path of least resistance seemed to be hosting it in my home so I didn’t have to call around to the library and other venues. I got a list of invitees from Breakthrough T1D, and I invited a few local moms I had been put in touch with when their kids were diagnosed. The coffee would be from 9:30-11. I picked up some Keurig pods and a loaf of banana bread from the bakery. Done—I would have this thing off my list in no time.
More than fifteen people came to that coffee, and we packed in around my farm table. We went around the room introducing ourselves very informally by giving our name, who our child was, their age at diagnosis, and any other brief details people wanted to offer. We had no agenda and no formality whatsoever. We did our best to keep the group to one conversation, because it seemed as though each person’s tidbits were relevant to all of us, and some had advice to share on particular issues people were facing. Still, others had new information about devices and research developments that we could share with the group.
We had moms whose kids with T1D were aged 2-25, and who had lived with it from weeks to decades. Everyone was absolutely riveted hearing from each other, helping each other, feeling the pain, laughing at the crazy, and just being there with and for each other. And through it all, we laughed. A lot.
We shared tips and short cuts we had learned over the years in an effort to make other moms’ roads easier. The mothers of kids more recently diagnosed told us about new techniques and strategies they were taught by the nurses. I couldn’t believe that I was still learning new things about T1D.
That first coffee lasted until 1 p.m. Eventually, I had to kick everyone out! When I noted the time, everyone looked at their phones and almost came out of a fog—no one could believe we had been together for so long. People had places to be!
The South Shore coffee was off my list, and it had been a success. Check.
But once everyone had left, I found I didn’t actually want the coffee to be over. I could have talked with those women all day. Never had I been with a group of people who had dealt with all I had dealt with on this T1D journey—and who really got it. Everyone seemed to feel relieved just being in the presence of people who understood, with very little explanation, all that they were going through. Someone would say, ‘My first-grader has an all-day field trip with no nurse scheduled’ and we’d all give a collective sigh. That is all that needed to be said for us to know exactly the myriad issues around that situation that the mom was dealing with.
What I loved most, though, was that it became clear in that first meeting that this was an incredibly positive and empowering group. When someone was worried about letting their child do something for the first time—a sleepover, a trip, a remote trek—the group sprung into action and took that as a challenge to help them figure out how to say ‘yes’! We all agreed that was the most important thing for our kids. And we all wanted our children to lead fantastic lives, confident in their ability do whatever they aspired to.
People seemed to come away from that meeting feeling lighter, less afraid, supported, and empowered. I know I did.
Later that afternoon, full of emotion, I emailed the group asking if they wanted to get together the following month. The response was overwhelming. People were saying the same things I was feeling. We all felt incredibly lucky.
Five years later, we still meet at my house on the first Thursday of each month. We pour coffee and begin to chat, and organically, agenda-free, our conversations begin. Some weeks the group is small, and some it’s large. Some weeks are more T1D focused, and some end up really being about raising children.
It’s hard to explain how meeting parents of kids with T1D is different from meeting other people. The walls seem to come down more quickly, and there is a shared understanding that is just different. Because of this, the women in our ever expanding coffee group have become good, good friends. We are always there for each other. We celebrate the good and tackle the challenging. And through it all we laugh. A lot.
After all these years, we still get lost in conversation and lose track of the time. And still, as always, I eventually have to kick everyone out, even though I never really want to.
-Suzy Doherty
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What people are saying about the Cohasset Networking Coffee:
“What started to be a ‘T1D mom support coffee for me has turned into more than that it brought the most amazing friends into my life who ‘get it’. These ladies are my lifeline through the ups and downs of managing T1D. I am forever grateful.”
“What I love about this Breakthrough T1D coffee is it is about living WELL. Sure, we have days of tears (everyone takes a turn sometimes!) but overall, we meet up to inspire one another to help our kids—and ourselves—live amazing lives despite type 1 diabetes, until all our walks and rides lead to the cure.”
“It seems silly to get something from a support group when your child was diagnosed 23 years ago…but I do! I love and so look forward to my Cohasset coffee gals. It gives me a chance to help others with positive input, learn more and stay up to date on things even though my child is now an adult (not as much hands on now) and most of all, to hang out with like minded folks who just make all this better.”
“The coffees provide the most warm and welcoming space so that we can gather and talk openly AND without judgment about our fears, our hopes and also our child’s accomplishments, as relates to T1D. It is no longer a traditional support group but an occasion where dear friends get together to offer love, kindness and wisdom, so that we can each become the best parent possible for our child.”
“Meeting with a group of people who really know what it’s like to have a child diagnosed with diabetes, not just a sympathetic and caring friend or family member but ones who really know how it feels is priceless! Also the knowledge that those who have lived with it longer share is so helpful. And lastly, maybe most importantly, the positivity this particular group has is so refreshing.”
“I love that it’s such a positive, supportive group of great women. I’ve never left a meeting without feeling like I’ve learned something new; that is always so helpful.”
“Life saving. The moments I had absolutely hopeless knowledge and was about to melt and being able to call one of the women from the coffees…life saving.”
“The friendships I’ve made through our monthly coffees are invaluable. It’s more than meeting other moms of kids with T1D. It’s knowing you’re not alone on your journey. It’s the gift and freedom to share stories, to laugh, to cry, to give advice, to get advice, to cry more… all with people who ‘get it.’ These are my people, and I would be lost without them.”
“I enjoy the meetings because I can bounce my concerns with everyone. Many have experienced the same thing and provide advice or guidance. Some also know what is going on with research or new items to help manage T1D. I also value the friendships and getting to speak with other ladies experiencing the same thing.”
